Pure and complete crack
by Acid Icecream
Summary: Oh the joys of writing crack fics. Well here is one and flames are not only accepted but welcomed! R&R and find out how Sasuke kills Itachi and why Itachi REALLY left the village. So yeah, read. 'T' for a reason.


**Purely and completely crack, yet so, so wonderful...**

**Disclaimer: The fact that I even _need _a disclaimer greatly disgusts me!

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Sasuke fashed between the branches of trees. It was finally, finally the day he had been waiting for. The day he got revenge against Itachi. Sasuke had left Konoha eighteen years ago and come back ten years after he had left.

Oh Itachi would get what he deserved, that bastard. Oh yes...all for killing his parents...his clan... In fact, Sasuke could remeber that day clearly.

-------**FLASHBACK!! (mwhahahaha)**-------

_Itachi walked home after a tiring ANBU mission._

_Damned if he didn't have _the gayest _song ever in his mind. And looking around he began to hum._

_"Dear diary, Mood: Apathetic._

_My life is spiraling downwards._ _I couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert. It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like 'Stab My Heart Because I Love You' and 'Rip Apart My Soul' and of course 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab' and it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing, either, like that guy from the band could do, some days you know..."_

_Oh no! Itachi was singing 'Emo Song'!! Sasuke could barely contain his laughter. And Shishui was having to have a fist in his mouth to keep himself quiet while holding the video camra. _

_Itachi looked around as if he could sense the presence of Sasuke and Shishui. Of course Sasuke didn't know what was going on but he knew he was getting candy for it so what the heck..._

_"I'm and emo kid, noncomforming as can be._

_You'd be nonconforming too, if you looked just like me!_

_I have paint on my nails and makeup on my face._

_I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs!_

_'cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag._

_I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a fag!_

_'cause there dudes look like chicks, and their chicks look like dykes._

_'cause emo is one step below transvestite!"_

_Sasuke giggled and Itachi looked up, but continued to sing. It was really funny to Sasuke and Shishui._

_"Stop my breathing and slit my throat._

_I must be emo._

_I don't jump around when I go to shows._

_I must be emo._

_I'm dark and sensitive with low self-esteem._

_The way I dress makes every day feel like halloween_

_I have no real problems but I like to make belive._

_I stole my sister's mascara now I'm grounded for a week._

_Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies._

_I can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing._

_Girls keep breaking up with me, its never any fun_

_They say they already have a pussy, they don't need another one!"_

_Itachi about fell over from embarresment. Too bad he couldn't stop singing. Damn his memory, it'd be the death of him yet. (If only he'd known the truth) Shisui giggled and turned the camra a little. Sasuke was on his back with a fist in his mouth to stop from laughing._

_"Stop my breathing and slit my throat_

_I must be emo_

_I don't jump around when I go to shows_

_I must be emo_

_Dye my hair and polish my toes_

_I must be emo_

_I play guitar and write suicide notes_

_I must be emo"_

_Itachi grimaced. He had forgotten the rest and only knew a bit more...the scariest-and most gay-yet._

_"I wear skin-tight clothes while hating my life_

_If I said I like girls, I'd only be half right!" _

_There he had done it. Itachi had inadvertedly stated he was bi. Of course he wasn't really. It was just that damn song. And then he heard it: the guffawing. The cackling laughter. And there he saw Sasuke holding a video camra and Shishui rolling on the ground; they had traded places somewhere along. _

_"Gimme (gasp, chuckle) the camra, Sasuke!" Shishui laughed. _

_It was later Itachi murdered Shishui. It was later he found out it was on youtube. It was later he killed the rest of the clan to prevent them from hearing him sing that damned song. And it was later Sasuke decided to kill him_

------**END FLASHBACK**-------

So there it was: that was why Itachi killed the clan. And now Sasuke was going to kill him for it.

There they were: Itachi and his blue shark sidekick, Kisame, the freaks.

"Itachi! The time has come...you've killed my family, my clan, and my parents. Now your time has come!" He yelled pointing a drawn kunai at him. "Prepare to die..."

It was then Itachi noticed some pink things scuttling around near the ground. "Oi! Sasuke, are you in charge of the mini-girl squad?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, and one of the kids gave Itachi a defiant glare. "We're BOYS, you dipshit!" He yelled. The four other pink-haired boys yelled in agreement.

"Uh, Uchiha men...with...pink hair?" Itachi repeated. "Pink hair." And then, to Sasuke's anger, he began to laugh. Hard.

"Hahaha! Ha! Ha! Ha ha ha! Bwahahaha! (cough) Haha! Hahahaha!" Itachi's small laughs graduatly became long, huge chuckles of pure humor. "BWAHAHAHA! HA! HAHAHA!" Then Itachi grabbed his chest, still guffawing and fell on his stomach, banging his fists up and down.

"AHAHAA! HAHAHA! Wooh! Ha!" Itachi was crying he was laughing so hard. "AHAHA! BWAHAHA!" Itachi grabbed his chest gave one final laugh, a gasp, and fell silent.

Kisame rushed over to him. "Itachi? Itachi?! ITACHIIIIII!!" Kisame roared. "Y-you've killed him! You've killed him you girly-men, bastards!!" And with that Kisami flung himself onto Itachi, sobbing his heart out.

Sasuke smiled to himself. "Come along Rosette, Cherry, Blossom, Pinky, and Silk." Sasuke called to his sons. Each one followed in a line behind him like ducklings following their mother duck.

'my work here is done. Now back to Sakura.' Sasuke thought to himself.

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**BWAHAHA! Pink haired...Uchiha...men...oh I couldn't resist! **

**Thanks for reading my gay-ass crack fic. Hoped you liked it...FLAME ME AWAY!! GWAHAHAHA!**

**Now R&R.**

**Seriously. The fic is over. Review.**

**Hit the damn lavender button! Stop dawdling!**

**Do it now!**

**Jeez! Come on! The button's your friend. So press it!**

**Okay, okay. Seriously review, guys.**


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